Actress Catch Up and Keeping My Promises
I can't believe I only released two posts in 2011, and the last one was eleven months ago! I'm disappointed that I've gone this long without writing, and that I allowed my commitment to wane. Moving forward!! Its the summer of 2012 and my life circumstances have again changed. My hopes are high and I'm excited about all the possibilities for the near and far future.
Last year I thought things had really turned around in my life and I was grateful, but I also found myself secretly and quietly settling for less, and trying to make myself okay with that. I found myself trying to fit into other people's version and vision of good mother, good church goer, good employee, good girl, and all the while feeling overwhelmed, discontented, and trapped. I gained weight, I was lonely, I forgot what I wanted and who I was. I forgot to speak up for myself, speak out against injustice, and take risks. I thought I needed to be content with being mother and teacher and nothing more. I was accepting mediocrity in myself and those around me, and started to believe that this was as good as my life was going to get. Don't get me wrong, I love that I'm the mother of an incredibly amazing and talented boy, and I enjoy teaching, but I was shorting Myself. I saw the writing on the wall at Christmas time. I wish I would have made a change then, unfortunately I kept hanging on to the safety nets in my life and eventually by the Spring of this year, through a series of unsettling circumstances, my hand was forced and it was time to start again...Despite the circumstances, I felt incredibly free! And here we go again!
Back in 2011, I promised to share the opportunities I've taken, the ones I passed up, and my goals for the future, so let's get started.
Opportunities I took -
It was difficult to stay mentally and emotionally balanced while recovering from divorce, being a single mom, trying to keep a roof over our heads, and living in a city where as of last year I still didn't know very many people. I was afraid and I remember sitting in church and praying to God to please tell me if I should give up acting. I prayed that I was willing to do what ever God asked of me even if it meant letting this dream go. About 20 minutes later, the service ended and as I was getting up to leave, my fellow choir member came up to me and handed me a script. She asked if I'd be willing to play one of the leads in a skit we'd be performing in church in two weeks. The request came out of no where, and I knew in that moment that God had given me my answer.
From October 2010 till now, in a period of time where my performing options were temporarily limited by other life circumstances, I've been able to rehearse and perform twice a week as a singer in a choir, perform parts as an actor in two Christmas shows, two Easter passion plays, and perform in 3 skits.
Opportunities I passed up -
My old self had a tendency to regularly hesitate in the face of opportunity. I didn't go after seeking my own representation. I didn't pursue solo work, even in church, and there were many auditions and casting calls that I looked at but didn't submit for. One of those was an opportunity to work as an actor in a hospital training program in Phoenix. For those who may not know, actors can sometimes get paid work playing patients for med students in training. I hesitated and missed out on what could have been an easy gig.
However, some opportunities are worth passing up: one of the actor as patient gigs involved a training for gynecologists where I would have had to actually allow them to examine me. Yeah...not so much!
I'm not beating myself up over any of this. I'm merely sharing it and looking at it in order to learn from it moving forward. And not only that, but sometimes its all in the timing. I have more help now than I did before and that will also make a difference moving forward.
Last year I thought things had really turned around in my life and I was grateful, but I also found myself secretly and quietly settling for less, and trying to make myself okay with that. I found myself trying to fit into other people's version and vision of good mother, good church goer, good employee, good girl, and all the while feeling overwhelmed, discontented, and trapped. I gained weight, I was lonely, I forgot what I wanted and who I was. I forgot to speak up for myself, speak out against injustice, and take risks. I thought I needed to be content with being mother and teacher and nothing more. I was accepting mediocrity in myself and those around me, and started to believe that this was as good as my life was going to get. Don't get me wrong, I love that I'm the mother of an incredibly amazing and talented boy, and I enjoy teaching, but I was shorting Myself. I saw the writing on the wall at Christmas time. I wish I would have made a change then, unfortunately I kept hanging on to the safety nets in my life and eventually by the Spring of this year, through a series of unsettling circumstances, my hand was forced and it was time to start again...Despite the circumstances, I felt incredibly free! And here we go again!
Back in 2011, I promised to share the opportunities I've taken, the ones I passed up, and my goals for the future, so let's get started.
Opportunities I took -
It was difficult to stay mentally and emotionally balanced while recovering from divorce, being a single mom, trying to keep a roof over our heads, and living in a city where as of last year I still didn't know very many people. I was afraid and I remember sitting in church and praying to God to please tell me if I should give up acting. I prayed that I was willing to do what ever God asked of me even if it meant letting this dream go. About 20 minutes later, the service ended and as I was getting up to leave, my fellow choir member came up to me and handed me a script. She asked if I'd be willing to play one of the leads in a skit we'd be performing in church in two weeks. The request came out of no where, and I knew in that moment that God had given me my answer.
From October 2010 till now, in a period of time where my performing options were temporarily limited by other life circumstances, I've been able to rehearse and perform twice a week as a singer in a choir, perform parts as an actor in two Christmas shows, two Easter passion plays, and perform in 3 skits.
Opportunities I passed up -
My old self had a tendency to regularly hesitate in the face of opportunity. I didn't go after seeking my own representation. I didn't pursue solo work, even in church, and there were many auditions and casting calls that I looked at but didn't submit for. One of those was an opportunity to work as an actor in a hospital training program in Phoenix. For those who may not know, actors can sometimes get paid work playing patients for med students in training. I hesitated and missed out on what could have been an easy gig.
However, some opportunities are worth passing up: one of the actor as patient gigs involved a training for gynecologists where I would have had to actually allow them to examine me. Yeah...not so much!
I'm not beating myself up over any of this. I'm merely sharing it and looking at it in order to learn from it moving forward. And not only that, but sometimes its all in the timing. I have more help now than I did before and that will also make a difference moving forward.
Tonight I'm heading to an industry gathering for my friend's company - Phoenician Models. I'll be sure to tell you all about it.
You can find them at phoenicianmodels.com. That's my actress friend Tiffany on the far left.
In the next post, I'll share my goals, current employment, and developing projects.
In the next post, I'll share my goals, current employment, and developing projects.
As always, remember - "An artist's life is a Marathon, not a Sprint". Take care and don't forget to comment. I'd love to hear about your experiences as well. Enjoy!
