Actress Post #7 - The Point of Acting Part 2

Okay, I'll admit it. I'm having doubts. How can I continue to afford these acting coach lessons? How can I possibly have enough time to work on my craft, my music, my dance when I'm constantly chasing a four year old around, working a full time job, barely getting enough sleep, let alone getting all the laundry done, and so on and son on and so on, ad nauseam. I'm feeling 'overwhelmed' is an understatement! Maybe I'm crazy and I'm still trying to pursue a path that's closed its door to me many, many years ago. If I'm not performing now, and I didn't move to NYC at 26 when I had the chance, and I'm still dreaming about performing more than doing it then maybe I'm just a dreamer, not a doer, and I need to stop pretending that things are ever going to be any better, and just accept that this is as good as it gets!

I'm pretty nice to myself aren't I? This was a rant I began on August 30th of 2010, and one I have mentally revisited at various times throughout the last several months when that overwhelmed feeling comes around for another visit. As it so happened I was overwhelmed for good reason, and finances were a big part of that. It takes me a lot longer to see the truth about myself than it takes others to see it, even if that truth is standing in front of me, screaming in my face. My acting coach saw it very clearly, and she was able to say what I couldn't admit out loud to myself. Now was not the time. Now was not the time to be engaging in this particular form of work or training. Now was not the time to force something that didn't feel like it was the right fit in the overall picture of my life. Not when my life had so many things that needed to be attended to and so few resources to handle the load. I keep hearing over and over again that an artistic life is a marathon, not a sprint. And yet I was running for my life like I was running from an attacker - with fear, adrenalin, and no time left.

So, my acting coach broke up with me...that's certainly what it felt like. My initial reaction was quite emotional, and here's what my mind thought she was saying: 


You suck! You're not trainable, you're not committed, you're a bad actress, and you shouldn't bother continuing this work because there's no point.

And here's what she actually said:

I think the blog is a great idea. I think you should try to get an agent on your own. I think you need to set small, short term goals right now. 

Step one? Work on hearing what people are actually saying and work on a more healthy inner dialogue with myself. Step two? Recognize two important truths, on one hand life is short, and on the other hand, every second can feel like an eternity. And because of this, its important that I'm patient, realistic, and kinder to myself all along the way and in all things. Opportunities to perform have presented themselves since then, some I've taken and some I regretfully let pass by and am hoping I'll get another shot at. Ultimately, the point of Acting is to keep trying, to get better, to feel alive, to let myself fail, to fall and continue to get up and continue to show up.

And here's my wish for you as well:

BE Patient, Realistic, and Kinder to Yourselves, all along the way and in all things.

Next time, more on the opportunities I've taken, the ones I've passed up, and my upcoming goals.  More to come soon, and as always thanks for stopping by!

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